Shit….what have I landed myself into again….was it even a morning….oh-screw it was I even alive?
A sickening nausea. . . .Was it a hangover like so many have I lingered see pass by? ....why did this seem all so different? ....Was I terminally ill….even the seconds inside my mind’s clock freezed to let my thoughts languish by!
This could be coma…..weren’t people supposed to see some tunnel light & still retain some of their sensory perception..? Twitches, moving eyeballs, recognition of familiar voices-anything?-well I could still think right?
I figured I still had some time left to wake myself-booze seemed a plausible cause of all! If so was the case, my blood would soon run out of its ally that played a vital part in drawing the ashen oxygen into my system- ash….why where was it that I had thrown the pack of cigarettes the last time my staunch legs had walked me to a bed?...I was used to waking up to a treasure hunt….wallet, cig packets, the keys…& the specs all were a lost cause-each had seemed a burden with a ticking built-in time bomb, that had to be ridden as far away from my safety zone, least I triggered them into a simultaneous and an harmonic explosion with my grunts of my ghoulish sleep!
‘Water-the liquid which forms the seas, lakes, rivers & rain & is the basis of the fluids of living organisms’, one of the human life’s strange ??? Is that when u’r in dire need for something so much that your life depends on it…your mind conjures up an exact opposite.
Take drowning as an example-what 1 needs to do is to just keep his mouth & nostrils shut & not panic to stay alive….what the mind makes u do is-it burns a hole through your lungs making it all more necessary for you to fuse the burn with water that feels so cold & lifelike even to your fleeing senses! ‘
I was avert to mind’s trick games…..I knew all too well to see it as a receding ploy……mind was too impatient to stick with it’s ploy!
It felt like I was caught in a warfare-just the shrieks, the wounded, the mercenaries, the loyalist, the butchers, the corporals, the generals, the foot troops, the front line, the medic-all seemed was I!
Light….this is what I needed to get up from this trance like sleep….that light which for me only a lighter, a gas stove or a match did by help lighting me my morning drag…..the crimson hidden covered in burnt paper….where was the savor elixir of life?
Diagnostic: The lips felt dry, eyelids seemed glued together; finger tips suddenly seemed as if carved from a stone….the bed or whatever I lay on was certainly comfy or maybe I had grown accustomed to it in a night!
I decided to hum myself awake by singing myself my favorite track, but I had long forgotten how to classify my favorites as….besides I was not even used to reading into my thoughts…it was a double edged sword….i could have easily fallen into another trance, not knowing when I would wake up awake again!
Knock-Knock-knocking on the heaven’s door’-a so familiar but muffled tune from my cell reached my ears…so much for perfect timing!
I tried shunting the sound out like all other things I could, but then this was a time I was the most fragile! I wished I had been at least so sensible to switch my phone off before my plummet. People remembering, missing & recognizing U is what social networking site’s are all about, not my life-& when someone does-it screws my life in a way or the other!
When the damn phone didn’t shut up even after some 40 knocks on the non-existent heaven door, I knew it was time to leave my comfy abode…..blink, blink-blank, the roller coaster inside my mind wasn’t at equilibrium yet! It took another 30 seconds or so of constant fluttering eyelids to come out of the slow turvy motion of my senses- they seemed to be rocking inside a bottle on the ocean’s floor!
30 seconds of catching up to my sensory feedback…& the next thing I knew I was too drunk or seemingly too weary eyed to wither the trauma of enlightening myself with my whereabouts. Squaring my eyes, trying to square up my dreams-I wished I was my
From what I had figured my life out to be, I knew for a sot nothing enthralled more than the seemingly unstoppable speed..a life’s benign was too simple to be resorted by! But, a few seconds into reasoning, I knew I couldn't wager something into crashing seconds..a life that was confined to even, in & as amongst a metamorphism couldn't scream itself as an juvenile!
From where could I bring myself to face the enthralling speed, when seemingly unconscious seemed for world seemed I?
A life that wasn't just all about a lie, I knew I could still wager my dreams so that I could lone a fight…Alone like d blankness is all that is noticeable on a white page, I felt all alone like I have been in the wilderness of many a nights..
Sometimes I drank to drowse myself where lullaby or no tune, hum could retract into my earlobe…that’s basically I drank until I had knocked myself out..it was my sleeping pill...gave me a sleep devoid of hysteria..a night in the middle of which I no longer would wake up to crumpled perspiration soaked bed sheets..all I’ld wake up to was a thirst & an ugly afternoon simmering sunlight. . & then there were evenings when it donned a mantle of harbinger, it was a besotted’s muse during others.
Why is this relevant? Well because like many closely guarded secrets, it would jab a stab - only accentuate & foil the pain’s escapades.
‘Reticent pieces of broken glass,
Why do they hurt….why do they last?
In dreams I gyrate their dust,
In nights I sleep withering their lust!’
Waking up to confines’ of my bed’s boundary was at all a new experience- it felt like ??...i wish my presence in that state was the result of a more full blown explanation, but then there was this mere mortal’s languish for a life left by!
It was the beep of my heart response monitor that woke me up from the clutches of an everlasting sleep…..the accentuation had dipped to an alarming low, enough to the mechanically responsive brain to distinguish it from a nightmare I was having!
Ever woke up with a grunt have U?.....you’ld know if ahuh was ur answer! In the swivel of a trance, why revolve in the seemingly-sot circle would U? I tried that once, that wasn't certainly the night though…
Rubbing my silent eyes, I would usually blame the alcohol that would have left me to languish as a footpath ridden hideous sapien in this half of life or so I would have thought, but this was a night where aoringy mattresses covered my sleepy outlines, when there was a pillow beneath my head, when life seemed too lost to be cultivated into a shuttering light!
All I could hear was the ERV sensor blip-blopping….as if a life had depended on it’s malfunctioning & the audio-visual prove that it falsely traps u of being well taken care of..
